A Search For Belonging is an incredible memoir by Dr Michael Fuller
I prefer this book's first published title ‘Kill the black one first’ because it depicts a life threatening situation PC Fuller faced when confronted by an angry mob during the Brixton riots. His life story portrays a powerful and often uncomfortable account of rising through the ranks in the Metropolitan Police. As a black officer he faced gruelling obstacles, instances of overt racism from some colleagues- coupled with hatred and disdain from black communities. It was hard to find a place of belonging.
The book’s short chapters are full of adventures and self reflection. It has vivid depictions of emotional trauma from experiences throughout his life. He is incredibly honest and vulnerable throughout, which helps readers to build a bond with him. I found myself willing him to win as he navigated a complex landscape of wanting to challenge injustice outside and inside the MET Police when it was not able to recognise, let alone address the debilitating impact of racism experienced by black officers or the black communities it served.
In his early career PC Fuller experienced the casual use of words from colleagues like spade, wog, coon or sometimes even nigger. He had to develop resilience around being in a juxtaposed position of wearing a uniform and representing a service that was widely hated on the streets where he faced equally offensive comments calling him a coconut, traitor and even ‘kill the black one first’.
"The uniform I was wearing meant they couldn’t see me as anything but their enemy. I had thought police was my calling."
This incredible story is generously told with lots of balanced experiences in which Fuller is loved by a lady called Margret that raised him in care- where he had a idyllic childhood and was even gifted a pet dog by a police officer friend of the family. He excelled academically, in sports and through the ranks of the police force where there were clear examples of support and enthusiasm for him to build his legacy.
There are so many astonishing micro experiences that helped him understand who he is as a person and the importance of his determination, plus ambition to break through what many might view as insurmountable obstacles. Despite a lot of turbulence, Fuller learned many lessons along the way:
He learned that some colleagues in the MET were prepared to challenge bias in senior ranks when they reported his boss for attempting to stifle his career progression when he was studying for sergeant’s exams.
‘Oh ho! A spear chucker’s just walked in!’ said a comedian at a police social event where he recalls there was a roar of laughter. He didn’t quite know how to react, so he laughed too. The next day some colleagues said it was outrageous and asked him why he put up with it.
"This was the first time people seemed to recognise that racism could cause offence, even pain."
Fuller was instrumental in the development of the Black Police Association and the MET Police’s Operation Trident- setup in the late nineties to tackle gun crime and homicides in black communities. He achieved many things in his professional career, not least at the age of 45 years old he was Chief Constable of Kent in charge of an organisation of more than 6000 employees and a £300 million budget. He also became Chief Inspector of the Crown Prosecution Service, has two Masters, three further postgraduate qualifications and three honorary degrees. A true outlier!
This book captures an assortment of pain, emotion, adventure, reflections and home truths.
Sorry Ms Jacskon gives it 5* stars.
I bought my copy on Amazon.co.uk, It’s a good read and gift idea for friends and family...